Is that WHY I am fat? OMG!!

Ok. You know yourself, you have done ALL the diets known to man, struggled to "stick" to them, vowed that this year (every year) would be "my" year, bought the protein shakes, joined the slimming classes, swallowed the diet pills, lived on soup for a week or two, and failing all that you have also tried pure starvation, right?? Yep I thought so. So have I. And guess what? I am FATTER now than when I began my whirlwind romance with diets and weight loss programmes. WHY? Well I think I have just cracked it..
I have figured out that I am an "emotional eater". I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad. My favorite pastime and guilty pleasure (and this is no lie!) is eating junk food while reading my newest diet book. I kid you not!
I have been in the most honest relationship of my life for the last two and a half years. I have never known someone as well as I know my Fiance, and he is the same (or.. so he likes to tell me!). But the one thing that is really an issue is when he does something that annoys me, I cannot bring myself to say it, and I just let it fester inside me until i explode over something silly. (Now don't get me wrong, he does stupid stuff too, all the time, but I forgive him, because he is only human after all.) But it really annoys him and rightly so, it's like I just REFUSE to express myself.. and inevitably I end up eating.
This last week has been a very interesting, but draining few days, as I am staying with my Mum while my Dad is away. I mean, I love my Mum to bits, she is my hero, but it has only highlighted my issues with food, and also my emotional instability at the moment. I can normally just eat or snack when I am angry/sad/frustrated/stressed/tired but here, in my Mums house, under her watchful eye, I cant. I have started crying for no reason, been inexplicably hormonal, extremely depressed, and the lowest I have been in years.
I am wondering am I feeling these feelings because I normally repress them with food?
I also have a situation with my older sister, and that causes me a lot of stress, and I have huge self confidence dips when she is around, particularly when she is with my Mum. I feel like they are constantly talking about me, judging me, pitying me, worrying about me. I don't want anything to do with her ( it is a long story) but I only talk to her for my Mum and Dads sake.
So what do I do? How do I deal with this problem? I do not talk to my parents about stuff like this because I feel that at their age they do not need it and it is selfish of me to look for this type of attention. Maybe this is the root of my problem that I feel I cannot talk to them. I have it as long as I can remember. SO I am going to have to do some research, find something to help me with this.
That has been a load of my chest I must say.. at least I feel I can talk to you :)

My last Christmas as an unbanded diner!!

Howdy folks, I hope you all had an amazing Christmas! Our day was really quiet, myself and my other half woke up around ten and had some breakfast. Well, he had some breakfast (a typical Irish breakfast of sausages, rashers, eggs, toast etc!) and I decided to have a glass of Bucks Fizz. Bad idea after taking two painkillers for my bad back on an empty stomach... So after I had vomited I decided i really had to stop being so STUPID and doing stuff like that ( I'm  in my thirty's right?!) so I had a slice of toast and after an hour or two I could take some more painkillers. (I am not a junkie don't get me wrong, but unless I have painkillers for my back at the moment I cannot walk around. This is another reason I need to get this surgery, and fast. For every lb you are over weight it adds three lb's of pressure to EACH of your disks.) So by the time dinner was served my appetite was not the best and I struggled through half of my dinner and felt bad after Mum had spent so long cooking it.
Then I began to wonder, do I eat to please people or because I do not want to offend by refusing? How many times did I really not NEED something to eat and ate it anyways because I didn't want to offend someone who had prepared it? When did I stop listening to my body and just ate because society tells us we should be eating? (three meals a day etc..) I know from when I have lost weight previously that I need to eat SO LITTLE to shift the pounds, it was unsustainable without an aid. And there is no way I could lose it by eating three "normal sized" meals a day. I must have the metabolism of a slug!! I calculated my Basic Metabolic Rate before ( the least amount of calories it takes my body to rest and support organ function) and it was 1650. If I get a band fitted I will only be able to take in between 800 and 1200 a day (although it differs for everyone) so I a just wondering... "Who is telling me lies?" Really, if these calculations are correct, does that mean that if I get a band that eventually my organs will fail from lack of nutrition? and if so, how come people have been banded for years and live perfectly healthy lives? The mind boggles.  I would love somebody to answer my question, because it throws into question everything we are thought about nutrition from an early age. So today is St Stephens Day and I woke up feeling a little groggy and my back was a bit sore. So I took an anti-inflammatory and a pain killer and all I ate today was some toast and a few chocolates. What poor nutrition.. I really a looking forward to changing my ways. I am making some turkey soup though which will be nice and nutritious so I will have some later. Normally I would like a few drinks over the Christmas but this year it is different. I don't feel well enough to have a drink if that  makes sense, and it is all because I feel so tired and heavy. Carrying this weight is not doing me any good. I feel really awkward this Christmas even around my family because I feel like they are all looking at me with pity, and it's so annoying. I  
want to have my banded fitted and get my life back, and stop being this big pathetic mess. Roll on the 28th Of January!!