Hi everyone, I am sitting in bed (my hubby to be is snoring away here beside me.. bless!) and I decided to drop a few lines to say hello. I am really enjoying being able to express my thoughts about this life change that I am undertaking, and I would like to thank you all for your support.
Today I began to reflect on people in my past who are no longer part of my life. I will admit I have cut myself out of my old social circle due to my low self esteem and my weight. I do not want to socialise in my home town and have people looking at me and saying "Jeeeez,,, did you see how much weight she has put on..?!!" etc. A lot of my "friends" really were not friends to me at all, especially at times when I needed them most. My weight has had a devastating affect on me, my life, my social life, and the way I partake in my own family life. I shy away from meeting people and I have the feeling that my parents were always slightly embarrassed by my size. This is not a good feeling :(
I was really good friends with a girl who moved over to Ireland when we were in 3rd class, she was English and we were like sisters. We were stuck together like glue, sleeping over in my house or hers, or vice versa. When we grew up, I did a very prestigious course for the travel industry, but my friends parents would not pay for her to do it even though she begged them. She decided to move to New York with another friend of ours. I got a good job in the travel industry and was very happy, although I really wanted to go with them when they went. She came home after a few months and came to stay with me in my apartment. I offered to help her get a job where I was working, so I did her CV for her, lent her a suit, told her what to say and how to act. I gave her CV to a friend of mine who was recruiting for an airline. She got the job and moved in with some other trollie dollies (air stewards) and we began to lose touch as she found new friends.
I began dating a guy, and when I met one of his friends on a night out, I knew instantly that he would be perfect for her so I introduced them. They hit it off immediately and after a year they travelled around the world together. Was I jealous? definitely.
I got a few emails off her but not much more, even though my dad had been very sick at the time with cancer. When she came home, I got an invitation to their engagement party. I didn't go. I just thought "F*ck you. You were never there for me when i needed you, and you never once made time for me when you came home" She never bothered getting in touch with me after that, and when they recently married in Sardinia this year, I never got an invite.
I was shopping with my Mother one day recently and they were passing me on the street. She saw me, I know she did, but she just whispered to her fiance and turned her head. I was so mad I nearly got sick.
There are plenty of story's like that I could tell but I won't. I have been let down by friends I thought were friends for life. I did everything for her. Now I am crumbling away, my weight is holding me back BUT I am excited because this is my time to shine. To get back out there and live a wonderful life and not worry about the "whispers".
I am TAKING my life BACK. I will be able wear sexy clothes (not just tracksuits and leggings) and I will be able to show all my haters and doubters that they missed out on a great friend. And I will be able to make more, with my new found confidence ;)
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