Ok. You know yourself, you have done ALL the diets known to man, struggled to "stick" to them, vowed that this year (every year) would be "my" year, bought the protein shakes, joined the slimming classes, swallowed the diet pills, lived on soup for a week or two, and failing all that you have also tried pure starvation, right?? Yep I thought so. So have I. And guess what? I am FATTER now than when I began my whirlwind romance with diets and weight loss programmes. WHY? Well I think I have just cracked it..
I have figured out that I am an "emotional eater". I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad. My favorite pastime and guilty pleasure (and this is no lie!) is eating junk food while reading my newest diet book. I kid you not!
I have been in the most honest relationship of my life for the last two and a half years. I have never known someone as well as I know my Fiance, and he is the same (or.. so he likes to tell me!). But the one thing that is really an issue is when he does something that annoys me, I cannot bring myself to say it, and I just let it fester inside me until i explode over something silly. (Now don't get me wrong, he does stupid stuff too, all the time, but I forgive him, because he is only human after all.) But it really annoys him and rightly so, it's like I just REFUSE to express myself.. and inevitably I end up eating.
This last week has been a very interesting, but draining few days, as I am staying with my Mum while my Dad is away. I mean, I love my Mum to bits, she is my hero, but it has only highlighted my issues with food, and also my emotional instability at the moment. I can normally just eat or snack when I am angry/sad/frustrated/stressed/tired but here, in my Mums house, under her watchful eye, I cant. I have started crying for no reason, been inexplicably hormonal, extremely depressed, and the lowest I have been in years.
I am wondering am I feeling these feelings because I normally repress them with food?
I also have a situation with my older sister, and that causes me a lot of stress, and I have huge self confidence dips when she is around, particularly when she is with my Mum. I feel like they are constantly talking about me, judging me, pitying me, worrying about me. I don't want anything to do with her ( it is a long story) but I only talk to her for my Mum and Dads sake.
So what do I do? How do I deal with this problem? I do not talk to my parents about stuff like this because I feel that at their age they do not need it and it is selfish of me to look for this type of attention. Maybe this is the root of my problem that I feel I cannot talk to them. I have it as long as I can remember. SO I am going to have to do some research, find something to help me with this.
That has been a load of my chest I must say.. at least I feel I can talk to you :)
No comments:
Post a Comment